


The Coffee Shop Blues

by Jakey_kun



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 11 chapters of crap, Awkward Seduction, Dave can't rap, Dave has a crush too!, Dirk works at starbucks, Fluff, Jade is a traitor to the Harley-English Clan!, Jade is too sassy for her own good, Jake has a crush, Jake has a huge crush. that's it., Jake sweats.. A lot, There is no plot, They're all just nerds, because i love them, coffee shop AU, feels about family, jake being an idiot, jake english can't even with the Irish, literally do these kids have nothing better to do, ok maybe a little, plans fail, popular dirk I suppose, sleepovers are so common, teeny plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-02-13 01:15:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2131542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jakey_kun/pseuds/Jakey_kun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coffee Shop Au wherein Jake likes Dirk,  and watches him from across the room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Just have to start off by saying, I REALLY FREAKING LOVE COFFEE SHOP AU's (If you couldn't tell.) So Surprise, I'm starting a new story. This is just an intro to start it all off. I promise I'm still working on ATTP, but I wanted to take a break. So yup, please enjoy, comments and messages are always welcome. :D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Dirk Strider really as perfect as he seems?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, I actually forgot about this one.. oops.

“Jake, If you’re going to completely ignore me, in preference of staring at my older brother, could you at least pretend not to be drooling all over the table?” The words shock you out of your stupor and you stare at your friend Rose, whom which you were supposed to be working on a project with. You smile sheepishly at her and wipe your mouth to see if any saliva has really escaped your lips.  
  
“Sorry, what were we on? Oh yes, why the Great War started. Well, we can say that-.”  
  
“Jake?” She interrupts you in the middle of your sentence with a small smile that you can’t help but be disturbed by.  
  
“Rose?” Her grin gets a bit wider before she folds her hands together, intertwining her fingers.  
  
“Would you like to tell me why you were staring at him?” You blush and look back at the object of your affections: Dirk Strider. You can’t help but like him with his aloof, yet caring personality. Why just yesterday, you watched as a girl tripped and dropped all her things across the floor upon hitting him. Strider, being the kind gentleman he is, stopped, and helped her gather all her school work up, and apologized for not moving out of her way. Wonderful; no? Of course… You’ve never actually spoken to him, but who needs to speak when he’s in all of your classes and smiles at you whenever you catch his eye?  
  
“Um, no reason at all… Shouldn’t we be focusing on history now?” Rose gives you an unimpressed look, signifying her unwillingness to let this go. You pointedly ignore her and ask her some more questions about how WWI started. After about 15 minutes of staring you down, she gives up and doesn’t mention it for the rest of your study session.  
As the two of you put your books away and head towards the door, you glance one more time at Dirk, who’s putting away his barista apron and cleaning up. He catches your eye and gives you a little half-smile, to which you blush and scurry out the door after Rose.

* * *

 

"English." You freeze as your heart begins to race. Can it be? No. He doesn't know you. Other than the glance he gave you the other day, he's never even acknowledged you. You take a deep breath and turn around to face none other than Dirk Strider. Oh. Your breath hitches and you feel your heart and mind melting at the sight of him. He's normally very attractive, but from your close standpoint, he's downright gorgeous. The sexy little smirk he's wearing widens, like he knows exactly what he's doing to you. You realize you've been staring at him for a while after he clears his throat softly, amused. You blush and instantly look away.

"English," he repeats.  
You drag your eyes from the floor, up his legs and torso, getting stuck on his lips briefly before finding his eyes, hidden behind shades. "Oh! Yes?"   
“Rose and Roxy wanted you to come over tomorrow for some sleepover thing." He tilts his head to the side. "Will you come?"  
Blushing at the slight innuendo that Dirk doesn’t seem to have noticed, you nod, wondering why he’s asking you instead of Rose until you remember that you don’t have a ride.You tell him as much.  
He studies you for a few minutes before shrugging, "I can give you a lift, just give me your address."  
  
      On the outside you're calm and collected, but on the inside you're a complete mess. You're afraid of opening your mouth for fear of an unintelligible stream of happy gurgles to come bubbling out.  You nod and write down your address, along with your cell number. You explain that if he has any questions he can just text you. He gives you a small upturn of the lips before nodding and disappearing in a flash. As soon as he’s gone, you collapse against your locker, feeling faint. An image of Dirk brushing your hair away from your forehead and leaning in to kiss you fills your head. As imaginary Dirk gets closer to your lips, he takes off his shades, revealing beautiful- The bell rings, cutting off your fantasy. You grumble to yourself and close your locker, already planning ahead to your next class where you’ll dream about him until you have to ask the teacher for a bathroom pass, flustered and stuttering, where you’ll fulfill your... needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, questions, kudos? :D ((It might take a bit, but I will keep updating my stuff)


	2. Movie night-The beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake goes to a sleepover at the Strider household. Will his fantasies come to pass? (Part one.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, I haven't updated in a while. I've been super busy, with homework, practice, and packing. So as a consequence, I have been able to update....but it's short. My apologies.

...This is _definitely_ not how you’d imagined your special ride with Dirk Strider would come to pass. Instead of the two of you brushing hands as you reach to turn the radio station at the same time, or him taking off shades his before proceeding to kiss you; you end up stuck in the back seat between your sister and your cousin, staring at Dirk mournfully. Jade, who knows of your crush on the blond, grins every time you glare at her. John for his part just bounces happily to the music coming out of Dirk’s antiquated truck speaker. After you can’t take anymore of the bouncing or the smugness, you sink down in misery, close your eyes, and sulk.  Once the truck has stopped, you all gather your stuff and head to the door. Rose opens it before you can knock, with a small smirk.   
     
“I trust you enjoyed your ride,” she inquires, opening the door wider, allowing you to enter. You shake your head, with a whisper of ‘I’ll tell you later’ and enter. You’re surprised to see Roxy, your other cousin Jane, and Dave sitting on the couch watching a movie. You’d been so preoccupied with Dirk that you’d forgotten that this was the sleepover you all had been planning for days in advance. You dump your stuff on the floor, and trudge over to one of the unoccupied couches. You try to block out the obnoxious sounds of John and Dave fighting over the television remote and Jade egging them on. _At least some people are having fun._ Sighing, you tuck your head into your knees and wonder if they’ll let you go back home.

           You jump when a hand grabs your shoulder and squeezes lightly. You look up and find yourself staring into Dirk Strider’s infamous shades. You can feel yourself lighting up like the star on a Christmas tree when he leans closer to you. Is this it? Could this be the day when Dirk kisses you?!? ...No, he needed to lean past you to grab the phone. You guess the others wanted some pizza. That’s okay too of course, it’s not like you were hoping he’d confess his undying love for you, or anything. Never.    
  
...Although, admittedly you are a bit disappointed. Okay, a lot disappointed. It’s not your fault you’ve been pining away for him for a year and a quarter. He’s just so very beautiful. Maybe tonight you’ll get to find out more about the person under the beauty. Happy with your new-found goal, you sit up and smile at all of your friends, before turning to the new movie Dave and John had agreed on during your period of depression.  During the middle of the movie, you give Dirk a shy smile when he gets up to grab the pizza. _Maybe, just maybe,_ you think as he hands you a slice on a plate, _I’ll get to know the real Dirk Strider._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, questions, kudos?


	3. Movie Night- The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dirk climbs off of you and sits in a recliner, facing you.  
> He looks amused,“Never took you for a screamer, kid.”  
> Oh, hello mortification, it’s nice to see you’ve joined the party. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, it's been a while. I apologize for this being so short after being so late, but this week has been a non-stop train of homework, sports, and caffeine. Bluh.

You yawn and rest your head on Jade’s shoulder. It’s been 3 movies and 4 rounds of video games later, and during that time you’d finally gotten over your little funk, and had joined the rest of your group, sitting in between Jade and John on the comfy futon.  Your eyes keep closing, but you manage to pry them open with your fingers. You can feel Jade pulling away, and you whine sleepily,  missing your human pillow. In the background,  even in your sleepy delirium you can still hear the conversation going on between the rest of your friends.

“He looks so peaceful.” Obviously Jade. Does she ever sound anything other than happy?

“Let’s draw on him.” John this time. You make a mental note to hide all the markers once you get home. You hear a faint snicker.   
“Man, Egderp, remind me not to let you near me when I’m asleep. I can’t risk you messin’ up this natural beauty. I need this face to get me the booty.”

Here you nod off again, missing the horrible rap continuing at present. You awaken to the sound of skin slapping skin and a very polite, yet snarky voice.

“I do believe others are trying to sleep, Dave.”

 

“Knock it off, guys. Why don’t we all just go to sleep, Jake’s trying to sleep and the rest of you need to do so as well. Rose? You, Jade, Roxy, and Jane take the girl’s room and pop open the air mattress. Dave? Take John to your room. Since I don’t think we can wake this one up, He can sleep on the futon and I’ll sleep on the other couch.”

Suddenly, You’re awake. It’s him. You’ve never heard Dirk say that much. Halfway through his little speech you had to zone out just to focus on his voice. It’s very lovely. Deep and gentle, but deliciously rich. You have to keep yourself from shivering. Vaguely you hear the others murmuring their assent and leaving. All except Dirk.

 

“Hey, kid. You can get up now if you want.”

 

Gosh flipping SHUCKS! You stay still just in case he’s possibly speaking to someone else.

 

“Jake. I know you’re awake.”

 

Maybe if you let out a snore he’ll believe you.

 

He snorts, “Alright kid, if that’s the way you want to play.” He breaks off and you breathe a (small) sigh of relief as you hear his footsteps walking away. You’re just about to relax and try to find some genuine sleep when a couple of muffled shuffles alert you to the fact that you’re not alone. Suddenly, something like a heavy, hard bowling ball hits you directly in the chest and stomach. You scream and jerk (manly as crap, that’s you) as the air gets knocked out of you. Gasping slightly, you try to catch your breath. _What was that?!_ You open your eyes to find Dirk Strider **sitting on you**. Your mind seems to have broken under the stress  of this important event. You blush profusely and utter out an unintelligible mess of disjointed apologies and groans sounding somewhere between a dying whale and a drunken sailor. Needless to say, you’re a mess. Dirk climbs off of you and sits in a recliner, facing you.

He looks amused,“Never took you for a screamer, kid.”  

 _Oh, hello mortification, it’s nice to see you’ve joined the party_.  You just groan again and roll the other way, ignoring the soft laughter coming from the opposite side of the room. You don’t think you’ll ever be able to sleep again.  
  
Your name is Jake English and it’s going to be a long night…


	4. Why Jake English hates his family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Not sweaty, my butt,” you hear Jade giggle quietly to Rose.  
> “He looks like he’s drowning,” John whispers to Dave.  
> “Maybe he can borrow a towel from Equius,” Jane asks Roxy. 
> 
> Sometimes you really hate your family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone see what I did there? Attack on Homestuck needs to be a thing.

Yawning, you awaken to the sound of soft muttering and occasional tittering. You look around for the source of the voices, turning to find Dave and John hovering over Dirk’s face, markers uncapped and smiles large.   
  
“Shh, John, you’re going to wake him up.”   
  
“It’s not my fault! The marker’s going dry.”   
  
“Well, hurry up and we’ll get another color.”   
  
Interested, you sit up, chuckling quietly as the intense concentration on their faces as they try to hold Dirk’s face steady. John pulls back quickly, glancing at you in fear before a silly grin appears on his face and he shushes you with a finger over his lips. Dave gives you a nod before pulling John away, “That looks good, Eggsy, let’s go.” John nods and caps his marker, the two of them scurrying away quickly as Dirk shifts. You get up quickly, wrapping a blanket around your shoulders and skedaddling into the kitchen. You don’t know what those boys did to his face, but you do know that you don’t want to be in Dirk’s warpath when he sees himself.   
Sitting at the table, you notice that everyone else is there, besides Dirk. You’re greeted with a chorus of sleepy “Good morning”s and you wave once at them all in reply. You smile at Rose who you notice is making pancakes. She’s the most heavenly being you’ve ever seen in your life. _Rose the angelic pancake queen._  
  
“So, Jake? How was your night? I heard a lot of noise coming from the living room.” Rose’s black-slicked lips curl into a sly smile as she flips a browning flapjack.   
  
You take it back. She doesn’t deserve such a wonderful moniker. _More like Rose the heinous she-devil of snark._   
  
You send her a pained look as Roxy starts laughing, “Rosey, you cad. Youu can’t even sprig things like that on him. He’ll have a heat attack. Heart. No, Heat works!”   
  
“Roxy! Don’t make fun of the poor boy, it’s not his fault he turns into a sweatier mess than Bertholdt Fubar whenever Dirk so much as looks at him.” _Thanks Jane. You know, there’s a reason you’re not my favorite cousin._

By now the whole kitchen is giggling; Jade burying her face into the elbow of her dog-eared pajamas to suppress it, John and Dave practically curled over each other. _That’s it._  
  
“Ok, that’s enough of your tomfoolery. First off, the so-called “noises” you heard were not from us. They came from the dad blasted animals! Mutini and Bec started rough housing in the middle of the night. Second off, I do not get sweaty! I just.. perspire easily. That’s it.”  You sweep your glare across the table, making sure they all know that you will not put up with their false accusations. You preen with triumph when you don’t hear a peep from them, awe on their faces.   
  
“Who perspires easily?”   
  
_You just can’t catch a break._  
  
Groaning inwardly, you turn to find Dirk standing behind you in all his MLP clad glory. He strides past you to the stove, where he grabs a pancake. He’s wearing a Rainbow Dash onesie with “100% cooler” stamped across the butt and little winged booties. It’s the most horrific thing you’ve ever seen, and you love it. You’re pretty sure he didn’t have it on last night though. He sits at the table with the rest of you, digging into his hotcakes, and it’s then that you realize why he’d put the monstrosity on. Above his eyebrows in swirly, blue and red lettering reads “Say nay to horse”, with a picture of a badly drawn pony taking up over half of his face, disappearing under his shades and reappearing on his cheekbones. You want to laugh, really, you do. But you’re too busy staring into his shades to utter a peep. Even covered in marker he’s gorgeous. You can feel yourself starting to sweat when he smirks at you, beads collecting on your forehead.   
  
“Not sweaty, my butt,” you hear Jade giggle quietly to Rose.   
“He looks like he’s drowning,” John whispers to Dave.   
“Maybe he can borrow a towel from Equius?” Jane asks Roxy.   
  
_Sometimes you really hate your family._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.P.S. For those of you who didn't catch the joke on Dirk's face.. Horse if you pronounce it right sounds like whores. So, say nay to whores... Man I crack myself up. XD


	5. Major swoonage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jade leans over to ask you why your face is so red, you can swear you hear a soft chuckle from the front seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, I had a major case of writer's block. Whoops. Is everyone ready to graduate??

  
After that embarrassing escapade (you shut them all up quickly by shoving a pancake in your mouth to quell your flusteredness, only succeeding in choking. You’re okay, really) you’d quickly pushed your little sister and cousin out of the door along with all of your gear, promising to meet Rose at the coffee shop the next day.  As soon as you close the door behind yourself, you let out a sigh of relief.   
  
“Jake? How are we gonna get home?”      
  
“Oh..” (That is a perfectly reasonable question, John. How  _ are _ you going to get home?)   
  
“Yeah.. We live on the opposite side of town..”    
  
“ Yes, yes.” (Very astute, Jade, but your brother is trying to think up a plan right now.)    
  
“You’re not going to make us walk are you? That’s a really crappy thing to do, Jake.”    
  
“Yeah,” John snickers, “You’re supposed to protect us, Big Cuz.”    
  
You sigh, waving your hand in a flippant way, “Don’t you two worry about that, I already called Grandma.”  (Is it _really_ a lie if you were about to do so after breakfast? )    
  
Your family stares at you, simultaneously squinting to gauge if your words are truthful or not. Starting to sweat under their scrutiny, you are saved by the sound of the door opening behind you, revealing a sharpie-free Dirk Strider.    
  
“‘Am I interrupting something here?”    
  
You clear your throat, subconsciously patting down your hair in an attempt to look neat, “U-Um” Curse you for stuttering. You’re a weak man, Jake English. “No, I think we-”   
  
Jade pipes up, effectively cutting you off, “Hi, Dirk! Can you give us a ride home?”    
  
Your eyes widen and you turn to her, letting her know with your eyes that she is a traitor to the family name.  She raises an eyebrow and tilts her head at you, letting  you know that she doesn’t care, because Grandma likes her better anyway. You huff offendedly and pout, turning away from her, and back to Dirk, who is staring at you (you think) with an amused quirk on his lips. You’d forgotten he was there for a moment. He’s so quiet..  Now that you think about it, he doesn’t really talk much in school either (You mean the 3 times you actually see him during the day).  You wonder why that is, he has such a beautiful voice..   
  
“Sure. I was going out anyway.”    
  
Simply gorgeous, you could listen to his voice all day- wait, WHAT? No way, buster! There’s no way you’re going to get in a truck with him and your family (again) after that embarrassing display this morning. He probably thinks you’re the human equivalent of a sprinkler now! (You do sweat a lot and unfortunately most of it seems to happen around him)  You open your mouth to splutter out some lie about your grandma when John and Jade cheer and climb into his truck, squabbling over who gets to sit in the middle. You sigh and grab the gear they forgot on the street, putting it in his truck bed, getting ready to jump in the back, when suddenly you feel someone else’s body heat on your arm.    
  
“I heard your conversation from inside, English. Your lying skills suck.”     
  
It’s not romantic in the least, but it’s Dirk, and he’s whispering in your ear, and you think you’re swooning. He smells really good. Spicy and citrusy, but with an undertone of something almost like fuel oil. It’s strange, but it mixes together well, and you find yourself leaning closer, only to realize that Dirk’s pulled away, and you’re alone, leaning against the bed of a truck, your heart racing. With shaking fingers, you open the back door and hop in, ignoring John’s comment about taking too long. Dirk starts the truck and you buckle, leaning against the window to cool your heated face. When Jade leans over to ask you why your face is so red, you can  swear you hear a soft chuckle from the front seat.    
  
  



	6. Strilondes do care!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I really love you guys. You truly are the best compatriots a man could ask for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I just need to thank every single one of you six hundred and thirty-six beautiful people for reading this fic. That's amazing! I never ever thought I'd get 8 people to read my work, much less 600! 
> 
> Next, the 67 people who took the time to Kudos this thing, Thank you thank you thankyouthankyouthankyou! You have made my days, weeks, and months. Every time I see a new comment or Kudos, nothing can bring my day down. You all are seriously the best. <33 
> 
> In case I didn't make it clear to all of you, THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDDDDDDDDDD

You groan and drop your head onto the table in front of you. Long, dainty fingers start carding through your hair, and you sigh.   
  
“It really wasn’t that awful..”   
  
You snort and turn your head to the side to speak. “I never pegged you as the lying sort, Lalonde. I made a bloody fool of myself!”   
  
“Jake, really. You’re being dramatic.”   
  
“Oh really? How many of your other friends decide to impersonate a geyser when your brother approaches?”   
  
She smirks, dark lips stretching over white teeth, “Many, but they’re usually female.”   
  
“Rose!!!” You tip your head back, laughing loudly, and her eyes laugh along with you as she brings a hand up to politely cover her mouth. She’s always been your favorite Lalonde, and this is why. Even after a particularly trying weekend, she can still make you laugh like there’s no tomorrow. Not to mention the fact that she makes dirty jokes as well as the school pervert, Cronus.   You start to question the authenticity of her information, when the chime of the Cafe’s door interrupts your conversation. You glance quickly over your shoulder to make sure it’s not… _him,_ stifling a sigh of relief when the newcomer is female.   
   You know you can’t avoid Dirk forever, especially when you and Rose frequent the only Starbucks in town, where of course, he works. At first, you’d wanted to ask Rose to change your meeting spot to something a little less.. “White girl-esque”, you being a male of vague-brownish descent, but you’d miss all the pros that come with your venue.. One, you get free wi-fi and space to do homework when you don’t want to be cooped up at home, two, Rose gets her family discount for these over-priced drinks, and three, you gets be able to ogle the object of your affections whenever he has a shift.   
  
“Ahem.”  Speaking of your affections, Rose is staring at you expectantly, a ten in her hand. “Jake?”   
  
“Ah! Sorry, yes?”   
  
The corners of her lips twitch up, “Can you get me another tea, please? Get yourself something as well, we’ll be leaving shortly.”   
  
Your furrow your eyebrows but take the money, “Where are we going?”   
  
“I’ll tell you on the way, go on.”   
  
You shrug and do as she says, ordering a mint tea for her, and a pumpkin latte for yourself. Upon bringing it back, you hand her the change, and watch as she stands, pulling on her jacket and purse. You do the same, minus the bag, and escort her to the door.   


* * *

  
  
“So are you going to tell me where we’re going?” The two of you are in Rose’s shiny little car, driving to your next location.   
  
“Oh, we’re going to Roxy’s. We’ll be having a sleepover. You and me, Roxy, and Dave.”   
  
You’re very confused, “We’re having another?”   
  
She nods, pulling up to Roxy’s house and effortlessly parking in parallel. “Think of it less as a sleepover, and more of a.. ‘feelings jam’.” I know you’ve been having a hard time, and we thought this would be the best thing to cheer you up.. Unless, of course, you have more important things to do,” she sniffs.   
  
You grin, and wrap your arms around her. “Never. You do care~”   
  
She laughs at that, a small tinkling laugh. “Yes, well. Don’t let it spread around, alright?”   
  
You snort and hop out of her automobile, making your way up to Rox’s door. You ring the doorbell, and it’s not long before you hear voices running to the door.   
  
“Let meee get it!”   
  
“Move out of the way, Rox!”   
  
“No! You told me I could answer the door! Stop bea-bey-being such a Mitch!!”   
  
You laugh as the door opens and Roxy and Dave fill up the door frame, pushing against each other, pinching and shoving to get to you first.  They both hug you- well, Roxy hugs you while Dave gives you a fistbump- and your smile gets even bigger. This is going to be the best sleepover yet. 

* * *

  
  
You can’t believe how much your friends love you. It’s 3 in the morning, and you’re only just getting ready for bed. They let you complain about how stupid you felt about Dirk, while reassuring you that it wasn’t that bad. They ordered your favorite takeout, and played your favorite games, never complaining even though you know that 5 solid hours of LittlebigPlanet is enough for anyone. You’d even had a round of Karaoke (It will never be spoken of again, but let it be known that Roxy smoked you all with her rendition of “Sober” by Pink). As you lay on your back in the dark, surrounded by your closest friends, you can’t help but sigh happily.   
  
“What’s going on, big gey, g-guy?” Roxy yawns, voice carrying sleepily in the quiet room.   
  
“I really love you guys. You truly are the best compatriots a man could ask for.”   
  
“Your sentiments are returned, Jake.”   
  
“Yeah bro, if you were dying and needed a transfusion, I’d probably give you some of my sweet blood.”   
  
There’s a silence before you start laughing, your tired delirium catching slowly up to you, “Probably?”   
  
Dave shifts, and even though it’s dark, you swear you can hear a smirk in his voice, “I mean yeah, if you were dying, it’d be kinda trying, for the rest of us- who had to keep on living. We’d miss you, you nerd, so don’t be like a bird and fly the metaphorical coop… Uh.. that got away from me at the end, but you know what I meant.”   
  
Roxy groans and throws her pillow at him, hitting him in the face. “That was awful, Davey.”   
  
“David? We all know that your feelings for Jake may or may not be platonic as he looks like a certain blue-eyed crush of yours, but could you please save it until the morning?”   
  
You know that’s something you’ll have to remember in the morning, so you can tease Dave about his crush, but first you need to find out who it is.. Who had blue eyes and looks like you? You yawn and roll on your side, eyes getting heavier and heavier with each passing second. You know you’ll figure it out… _Blue eyes.. Blue eyes.._ Tomor- Zzzzzz.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I do need to pologize and talk about several things. I just want to put out there, that I don't believe Starbucks is only for white girls. I'm not sure how that started but it seems to be a thing so I rolled with it. Next, Roxy is 100% sober in this, I just think making her stutter and change words is part of her personality even without the alcohol and cute. (Maybe she's so excited she can't get everything out) Last thing, I am not, nor will ever be a rapper, XD So I apologize. 
> 
> If any of y'all caught the Real Husbands of Hollywood reference, you get a free candy bar. (I mean, you have to imagine it, but that's cool too)


	7. In which Dave Strider is not a Coolkid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “On all the pages, at least 20 times, he wrote, ‘Mrs. John Strider, Mr. John Egbert-Strider, and Mr. and Mrs. Dave Strider.’” 
> 
> Dave emits a sound akin to a run-over cat as the three of you laugh. For all the the blonde pretends to be so cool, you know that he’s really a huge nerd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. Can I tell you guys a secret? I actually have no plot or storyboard to this whatsoever. i make up stuff and I throw it in there.. So if it doesn't make any sense or fit into a time line or anything... that's why. I'm pretty sure this is a bad thing.. So.. Sorry about that.

“YOU LIKE JOHN!?”  Sitting straight up with the force of your revelation, you look over at a still-sleeping Dave, and hit him with a pillow. “Dave! Wake up.”  You hit him again, a little harder.   
  
“Whshh? Wah’ss it, n’glish??”   
  
You repeat yourself loudly, hitting him several times in the stomach with your pillow, while he tries to cover himself.   
  
“Woah there, Jakey. Clam down, mkay?” Roxy, most likely awakened by the noise the two of you made, crawls over and jabs her bony fingers into your ribs, making you squeal and drop the pillow. You glare at her and ready your own finger-weapons for a tickle attack of the century, when Rose appears in the doorway of the room and clears her throat gently.   
“Roxy’s right. Why don’t we go to the kitchen and talk about this in a more-” She glances at the three of you, Dave laid out on the floor, hair and clothes askew, Roxy with her fingers still on your torso, and you, caught in the middle of a half-spaz reaching out for Rox. “Civilized manner. I made breakfast.” With that, she glides with all the grace of a morning person into the room from which she came.   
  
The three of you slowly untangle yourselves and slump into the kitchen, plopping into your respective chairs. It’s quiet except for the sounds of clinking plates and sizzling flapjacks while Rose serves you all.   
  
“These are quite delicious, thank you Rose.”   
  
“Yeah! Thx, Rosey.”   
  
“What they said.”   
  
Rose simply smiles, and the four of you eat in silence. Finally you can’t take it anymore and slam your hands on the table dramatically, startling the other occupants, “You like my cousin and you didn’t tell me??”   
  
Dave continues to chew calmly, “What cousin?”   
  
“The only one I have!!”   
  
“To be perfectly candid, Jake, he didn’t tell anyone, we figured it out. It was pretty obvious.”   
  
Dave looks offended, squawking, “Rose!”   
  
Roxy rolls her eyes, “He stares at John 24/7. It’s like, blink Davey!”   
  
“Roxy!”   
  
Roxy laughs while Rose smirks at him, and you just pout. “Dave,” you whine, “How could you not tell me you liked John? As a matter of fact.. Why _do_ you even like John?”   
  
The youngest Strider shrugs, sinks a little in his chair, and wait… is that.. By golly, is Dave actually _blushing_ ? Why, that’s rather adorable actually.. Mind you, it’s only a faint pink stretching across his cheeks, but it’s still there! “Dunno, he’s cute, I guess..”   
  
Roxy snorts loudly, and slams her coffee cup on the table so hard the other dishes rattle. “HA! ‘Cute’ he says. Jakey? Did you know little Davey here keeps a diary?”   
  
“Really?” To say you are intrigued would be a severe understatement. You’re downright excited about this new information. At first you were mad, Dave’s supposed to be your friend, you should know these things, whether the crush is family or not, but now... _heh_ . You can’t wait to hear more.   
  
“Rox, don’t! I swear on everything you keep sacred. I will pee on it all! I will do it!”   
  
  
Unfortunately (for Dave), Roxy keeps talking, and doesn’t bat an eyelash, “You do it, I tell John.” The two have a mini stare down before Dave wilts in his seat, and Rox continues, “Anywho, I found it last week... Guess what was on every single page? Every single page, Jakey, I’m talkin’ lines and lines of prints here.   
  
When you don’t reply, Rose drops into the conversation, covering her mouth in a mock gasp. “Why, what could it be? It surely couldn’t be anything about anyone we know, right David?” Her eyes laugh at him, the corners of her mouth curling into a devious smirk.   
  
Dave whimpers and puts his head on the table, mumbling something about it being “Too f-in’ early for this bull.” and how “You guys are so cruel, can’t a guy just eat some Aj and pancakes in peace?”   
  
Ignoring Dave as you all tend to do in the mornings, you eagerly lean forward, waiting for the goods.   
  
“On all the pages, at least 20 times, he wrote, ‘Mrs. John Strider.,  Mr. John Egbert-Strider, Mr. and Mrs. Dave Strider.’”     
  
Dave emits a sound akin to a run-over cat as the three of you laugh. For all the the blonde pretends to be so cool, you know that he’s really a huge nerd.   
  
“Dave, really? Those are the best you could come up with?”   
  
From the table, another strangled whine, accompanied by a mass of wiggling fingers starts up. “That’s all I got, man. There’s no way I’m takin’ the last name Egbert..Such a dorky name.. Egdork, Eggy, Egbutt… Makes a man wanna cry..”   
  
You can’t help but giggle at his dramatics, and you all spend the rest of the morning teasing Dave about his crush on John, before swearing yourself to secrecy on the matter of said crush. Later, you can’t help but sigh happily, looking over your pals;  Rose is pinning Dave down while he flails and squirms, and Roxy is gleefully reading his diary out loud, supplying the words with over enthusiastic kissing noises.   _Gosh you love your friends._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *giggles* 697 people read this fic. *Excited flailing*


	8. Plans and bets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bets placed and set.” 
> 
> “You’re on!”
> 
> “May the best person win.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey cool-kids, who's ready to read another sucky installment of this fic?  
> Okay, I'm mostly kidding, but really, this is s short it's almost a crime. Hopefully I'll be updating again in the near future around next week.... So keep an eye out.  
> In other news... I finished 2 of my other fics!!! SO YAY! *inserts blatant self-promotion here* Go read themmmm. Hopefully you'll like them. XD

  
After the well-needed sleepover with your friends, you have finally decided to do it. Today at school, you, Jake English, are going to man up and ask Dirk Strider ~~on a date to be your friend on a date to be your friend~~. Who are you kidding, you can’t even think it, let alone say it. Dirk’s so cool! Why would he even want to be friends with you? Let alone go on a date. You sigh and walk up your school’s front steps, waving to a few people you see in your classes, then head to your locker. Grabbing your materials, you see Jade, John, and Rose all coming your way. Waving, you meet them halfway, and continue to the one period you share with all of them. Arriving at your classroom, you claim your normal seats, John on your left, Jade on your right, and Rose in front of you. You talk quietly as your teacher introduces the lesson of the day.   
  
“Guys. I have something to tell you.” You clear your throat  quietly and put on a brave face, hoping that if you say it, you’ll believe it. “I am going to ask Dirk to be my official... D.. friend.”  
  
  
Jade grins and pokes you. “Look at you, Mr. Scandalous.”  
  
John laugh-whispers, before pretending to wipe away a tear, “They grow up so fast.”   
  
You roll your eyes, inwardly pleased.  
  
Rose puts in her two cents, turning sideways in her chair, “How are you going to ask him?”  
  
All of your newfound pleased emotion and confidence goes straight down the drain as you deflate slowly like a popped balloon. “........”   
  
“Ooh! Tell him you want to speak to him alone~”   
  
“What if he thinks I’m a creeper?”  
  
“Tell him… You want his two lips and yours t’ touch.”  
  
“John, that’s ridiculous.”  
  
“Why don’t you simply say that everytime he walks by you stare at his as-*ahem* assets?”  
  
“ROSE. NO!”  
  
The room goes silent, and you glance at the front to see that your teacher, and approximately 90% of your classmates are staring at you.   
  
“Do you have something to add to the conversation, Mr. English,” your teacher asks stiffly, adjusting his glasses.   
  
“Uhm.. N-No, Mr. Zahhak…”  
  
John and Jade laugh at you while you burn in humiliation, trying not to look at all the people that were startled by your little outburst.  Putting your head on the table to cool your heated face, you try to mumble over the giggles. “Guys, I’m very serious. I really need help..”  
  
A hand rubs your back as you pout. “We’re sorry, Bro, we were just having a little fun I guess.”   
  
“Meh… It’s fine.. Maybe I should just give up?” You peek up at the three of them. “I mean, it’s not like he even knows I’m alive.”   
  
Jade frowns at you, “Don’t be that way, I’m sure that’s not true!”  
  
“Yeah, cheer up, Jake! I mean, he knows you’re alive, you hang out with his entire family.”   
  
“You’re also at the place he works, roughly 3 times a week.”   
  
That is true.. You feel a little better, giving your friends a tiny smile. “Thanks you for that, I feel better. I’ll try and catch him after lunch today!” The bell rings and you stand up, collecting your things. Walking out of the room with a bounce in your step, you plan for lunch.  
  


* * *

  
  
“...$10 says that Jake mumbles and turns red.” (Jade says as she empties her pencil holder and places a folded ten neatly inside.)  
  
“10 more says he trips and falls on his face.” (John replies as he too pulls out a 10 dollar bill and folds it.)  
  
“$20 says he does both, before he even talks to Dirk.” (Rose adds as she slides a crisp 20 across the table.)   
  
“Bets placed, and set.”   
  
“You’re on!”  
  
“May the best person win.”

* * *

  
  
As it was, Jake surprised them all by speaking clearly, staying his regular shade, and keeping his balance. Of course, he avoided Dirk the entire lunch period, so that may have had something to do with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Jake ever ask Dirk on a date? 
> 
> Will the Beta kids ever stop making fun of him?
> 
> WHEN WILL THEY JUST KISS ALREADY GFXGVDLWDUB?!!?!?!


	9. Operation: get that booty (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Dirk Strider, and contrary to popular belief, you are not actually devoid of human emotion. You’re just a man who knows what he wants, and dang it all if you don’t want Jake freaking English. He’s a dork, yes, but a dork with a rump that you would sell your soul for, and a smile that could make the sun jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *laughs maniacally* I spent all of the weekend stalking my favorite writers, so I just cram wrote this in 30 minutes. THERE'S A REASON I ONLY WRITE EVERY SO OFTEN. Or else my chapters are sporadic and really short. Since I'm done with most of the other fics, I'm going to spend my time writing for this.. So hopefully it'll get better.
> 
> ALSO IT'S DIRK'S POV TIME!!!!!!!!!

Your name is Dirk Strider, and contrary to popular belief, you are not actually devoid of human emotion. You’re just a man who knows what he wants, and dang it all if you don’t want Jake freaking English. He’s a dork, yes, but a dork with a rump that you would sell your soul for, and a smile that could make the sun jealous.   
  
Anyone else would have gone straight for Jake, told him all about their intentions, and then asked him out. However, you’re not anyone else. English is so shy, if you came straight (heh) on to him, you’d probably break him. You’ve got to coax him out of his shell, little by little, and you’re more than okay with that (you like a little challenge). In fact, you’ve even come up with a plan. You’re going to seduce the living crap out of him. It’s a little childish, yes, but you figure it’s a win-win situation. You get to watch Jake get all hot and bothered, and he (hopefully) will take your subtle hints and ask you out.    
Now that you’ve got it all figured out, you’re heading to work, one because you have to, and two because you know he, as well as your younger sister will be there. Phase one of operation “Get that English Booty” Is underway.

* * *

 

  
When you arrive at Starbucks, you push open the doors and there they are. Rose and Jake are sitting at the table closest to the counter, doing homework and laughing about something or other. You stroll past their table, nodding at both and smirking mentally when Jake blushes slightly. Really, he’s adorable, does he think you don’t notice how he looks at you?  Walking behind the counter, you grab the required green apron and slip it over your head.  You’re tying it behind you when you hear a voice clear behind you. Turning, you find Jake looking eagerly at you.  You instantly turn on the charm.  
  
“Hey, what can I get for you?” _…….Good one, Strider._ You’d facepalm if you could.   
  
“Hi! Um, I mean, hello! Can I get, if you would be so kind as to make it for me, a pumpkin latte?”   
  
You nod and do your thing, flexing when you reach for the flavoring, and swaying your hips more than usual when you turn to get the cups. “What size do you want?”   
  
When he replies that he’d like a Trenta, you lean over the counter toward him and practically purr, “So you like it big, hm?”  When you pull up your shades and wink, he blushes a pretty deep red and sputters, scuttling like a nervous animal away from the counter and back to his seat. Chuckling, you go back to fixing his drink. Yeah, you really could have been a lot more subtle.  After you call his name, signaling that he can come get his drink, you wipe down your messy station, and turn back around to find Rose waiting for you patiently, hands folded and placed delicately on the countertop. You flip your shades back in place.   
  
“Good afternoon, Brother. It’s a lovely day today.” 

You roll your eyes and start making her drink, already knowing what she wants, “Sure. Those gray rain clouds up there are real pretty, Rosie.”  She starts to smirk slyly, which you do not like at all, when you hand her her tea. “What do you want?”  
  
“Me?” She puts a hand to her chest in mock offence, “Why would I ever ask for something from you, Dirk dearest.”   
  
You sigh and stare her down through your shades, which ruins the whole effect, but it’s the intention that counts.   
  
“I couldn’t help but notice that you broke my friend. I wanted to request that you bring him back .” She points over at Jake, who’s been blatantly staring at the two of you in confusion. When he notices, he jumps visibly and turns around like he’d been doing his work the entire time. Like you said earlier, adorable.   
  
“He’s cured. The dork train is leavin’ the station.”   
  
She brings a hand up to cover her mouth, and you know she’s hiding a smile. “Also, I see that you’ve made him a pumpkin latte?”   
  
You stiffen for a second then relax, but you know she saw it. “S’ no big deal or anything.”  
  
“Of course. How silly of me to presume that it’s a big deal. I just happened to notice that pumpkin lattes are only on the menu during the fall season.”   
  
“Yeah, and?”  
  
“Dirk, it’s March.”   
  
_…….Good one, Strider._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Dirk ever seduce the English?
> 
> Will Rose stop being too smart for her own good?
> 
>  
> 
> When will I get a life ;-;


	10. Plans are for the breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You guys up for a challenge?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, I know like half of you don't pay attention to the Authors note anyway, but if you do.. Look! I have a tumblr. I'm so exited, I revamped it and everything. Also, sometimes I cosplay so there's that. Go follow me or whatever XD ((Look blatant self-promotion) Tumblr --> http://jakey-kun.tumblr.com/
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. THIS CHAPTER TOOK FOREVER SO BEAR WITH ME AND IM SORRY IF IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE.

Take two. The kids are having a sleepover at your house again, and you. are. ready.   Your shades are on point, your hair’s Goku’d to the max, and you may or may not be wearing Justin Bieber’s Boyfriend… Not his boyfriend.. that would be.. odd to say the least, not to mention impossible, but the product is called boyfriend… Although why you would name an inanimate object your boyfriend is beyond you. To each their own, you guess. Anyway, the point is you are the slickest bro on this side of the continent, and you are going to get your man.   
**  
Step 1: Plan your mission.  
  
** “Dave,” you hiss, “C’mere.”   
  
Ignoring you, he keeps rapping about his supposed “Mad skillz” to John. Rolling your eyes, you swoop in and pick him off the floor, keeping his arms and legs pinned to stop him from struggling. Ignoring his squawks, you smirk at John and carry Dave off to your room. Kicking the door shut behind you, you drop him on your bed. “Listen kid, do you still have those water balloons I got you last year?”   
  
Straightening his clothes, and fixing his shades, Dave shrugs. “Yeah, I got ‘em. Why?”   
  
“Let’s just say I sense a water fight on the horizon.”   
  
“Dude, it’s 5 pm, and freezing.”   
  
“It’s 86°”   
  
“Exactly.”   
  
You sigh and cross your arms. “How about this?  You go out there and say you want to have a water balloon fight, and I don’t tell John about your little crush on him.”   
  
Dave tries not to react, but you can see the muscles in his jaw ticking, and the corners of his lips turning down. “How do you know about that?”  
  
You push your shades up and wink at him. “I have my ways, little man. Besides, everyone knows about it besides tall, dark, and buck-toothed. So do we have a deal or not?”    
  
Trying not to laugh, you watch his ears turn red. “I told you to stop calling me that, jeez. Why do you want this so bad anyway?”   
  
“Ah ah ah. Deal?” You hold out your hand for him to shake.  You can feel the heat of his glare through his shades and you chuckle internally. He shakes and you lean back, satisfied.  “As for your question, there’s a 99.9 percent chance that if someone gets wet, they’ll immediately remove that article of clothing, correct?”  
  
“I guess.. Wait.. What?”  
  
“Exactly.”

* * *

  
  
  
**2: Hook in your target.**   
  
Opening your door and strolling out, you almost collide into someone and on reflex wrap your arms around them. Today must be your lucky day, because you’ve caught none other than a Jake English in your embrace. He’s so precious when he blushes.   
  
“G-goodness, I didn’t see you there, chap, I’m awfully sorry about that, I wasn’t l-looking where I was going and I j-”  You tune him out and just watch him ramble for a bit. Eventually his words peter out as he realizes you’re not saying anything.   
  
“Dude, it’s alright. Relax. You’re like a helpless bunny or something. I coulda been paying a little more attention.”   
  
“Oh.” Jake seems a little out of it, staring up at you with those big green eyes, and you can’t help but give him a half-smile as you let go. “That’s ok then.”   
  
“But I sure am glad I wasn’t.” You squeeze him a little, just enough for him to feel it, before you let go, walking down the hallway like you didn’t say a word and leaving him to stare at you with what is surely a dazed expression.

* * *

  
  
**3: Execute operation**  
  
“You guys up for a challenge?”  
  
You’re sitting in the living room, a little apart from everyone, while Dave carries out his part of the plan.   
  
Jade faces him, sitting on her knees and tilting her head, which reminds you of a puppy.  “What do you mean?”  
  
“Well it’s hot outside, and we have a while until Dirk orders pizza, so until then, how bout a game? Boys v.s. girls, winner takes all, showdown phenomena, knock-down dragout,  hoedown lowdown-”  
  
“DAVE!”  
  
“Fine… Dirk got me water balloons that I never used and it’s hot. Let’s go do it.”  
  
To your relief (not that you were ever worried of course), everyone likes that idea, and you grab a bucket and a hose to start filling the balloons up. It takes a while, but eventually, you and Dave get all 300 filled. Lugging them out to the backyard, you call for the kids to gather around you.   
  
“Since there are only two girls, we need one boy to join them.”   
  
Dave and John look at each other, before pointing at Jake in tandem, who shrugs with an easy smile.   
  
“Alright, now that that’s settled, here are the rules.” When the kids start to groan you shut them all up by pushing your shades on top of your head and giving them a _look._ “Right then, no one goes into the house, goes into the street, climbs the fence, or gets in my truck. Any boundary violations will be resulted in no pizza until everyone’s gotten their second slice. Got it? The last person to get wet wins a prize to be determined later.”  At the various nods, you adjourn your little meeting and hand the Rose, Jade, and Jake half of the balloons.   
  
“Ready, set, go!”   
  
  
As soon as the words leave your mouth, Dave is out, hit in the kidneys by a smirking Rose. You dodge the ones thrown your way by Jade and do your best to keep John in the running. He manages to take out Rose out, before Jake, who’d been standing quietly, hits him in the stomach with killer aim. You wince at his pain before jumping out of the way of a balloon that’d nearly gotten you. You catch Rose unaware and smack her in the shoulder with one, before you duck away from Jake’s next attack. You try and retaliate by grabbing a lone balloon from the ground and lobbing one at his arm,  when suddenly, there’s no more ground beneath you. Falling hard, you look to see what tripped you up, and notice Jake, smiling at you as he pops his last balloon right over your head.  You groan in disbelief and defeat as kneeling, he leans down and whispers,  
  
“Who’s helpless now?”   
  
**4: Fail miserably.**  
  
  
  
 **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >.> oh boy howdy.


	11. What Good Brothers do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t do anything stupid, Jake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tons of rambly stuff to read at the end if you're interested! I'm finally back XD Also this chapter is a little more family-centered. Yay! (Longest chapter to date I believe)

  
“Rose? Do you think that Dirk’s been acting a little strangely lately?”  
  
“Whatever do you mean?”   
  
“Well. I mean he’s rather chatty of all a sudden, and has recently been sitting with us during our group get togethers. He’s never done that before.”  
  
“He’s always been chatty, Jake, you just haven’t been witness to it.”   
  
You make an impatient noise while Rose laughs softly, “I suppose I’ll have to _pay_ more _attention_ , because I have yet to notice any changes.”   
  
You scratch your head, a little confused by the emphasis she puts on the word, and the knowing smile she gives you. Before you have time to dwell on it however, Jade appears at your shoulder.  “Flipping Christ! Where did you come from?” You could have sworn she was not there a second ago.    
  
“Can we talk, Jake?”    
  
“Of course, what’s on your mind lass?”   
  
“.....”   
  
You stop walking and turn to her, taking note of the hunched posture and nervous expression that’s taken over her normally exuberant self.  
Frowning, you motion for Rose to go on ahead of you and pull your baby sister over to the side.  “What’s going on?”   
  
Several emotions run across her face too quickly for you to name. “Do you remember that thing that happened two  years ago?”   
  
Your fists clench, “How could I ever forget?”  
  
Previously, Jade had been in a relationship with some pretentious douche named Eridan. You were against it from the beginning, but you didn’t want to discourage your sibling, so you left it alone. Unfortunately, you made a mistake and didn’t realize Eridan was just using Jade to make his ex Feferpeffer something or other jealous. You almost shot him when he broke it off with Jade to go for other lass! Just thinking about the whole situation gets you riled up. Never had you ever seen Jade so cross and sad. (mind you, they were only freshman then, but it was still upsetting).   
  
“Jake calm down, I’m over it and he doesn’t deserve me anyway!”  
  
You  give yourself a good shake and try to release your anger, giving her a hug, “That’s my girl, sorry for being a right fiend over it still.”   
  
Jade leans into your embrace before pulling away, “It’s fine, but there’s a reason I brought this up, you know.”  
  
“Oh? Do tell.”   
  
She blushes, before grinning widely at you, “Karkat asked me out!”   
  
“The little grumpy fellow who’s in charge of the drama club?”   
  
She laughs and nods, “That’s him. He can be a bit of a hardhead most of the time, but he’s really nice once you get to know him.”   
  
“I don’t know about this… How long have you known this boy? I think you should stay away from him.”  
  
  
Jade facepalms and sighs, startling when the final bell rings, “Jake!  I promise he’s nothing like fishbutt! It'll be fine!”  Before you can retort she runs off, leaving you to trudge to your classroom.  
_We’ll see about that._

* * *

  
  
“Don’t do anything stupid, Jake.”    
  
“Yeah, Karkles is loud, but he’s softer than butter in a blender.”

“That doesn’t even make sense! Why would you put butter in a blender?”

You’re sitting with John and Dave at lunch, evaluating Karkat from across the cafeteria. Frowning, you bite into a fish stick and gesture at the boy. “Just because he’s a certain way with you, doesn’t mean he won’t hurt her, Dave. Just look at him!”

Following your finger, both heads turn to see Karkat angrily arguing with one of the cooks, body moving in increasingly agitated movements, before he gets smacked on the head with a cookie sheet.

John bursts into laughter, “That’s what you’re worried about?”

Bewildered you wave your arms around, almost spilling Dave’s drink (he glares at you and pulls his juice out of the way, mumbling something about ‘a man taking a sip of aj’). “What do you mean? Isn’t that enough? Did you see the way he yelled at the poor man?”

“Jake! That’s his dad!”

“…Erm.. What?”

“Look!”

Taking another glance at Karkat, you can faintly see him blush and grumpily hug the man, who has now come from behind the counter. Oh dear.. “Well that means nothing,” you splutter, “He could be a.. a.. drug dealer or something Or coerce Jade into skipping class! She’s a good girl, you know.” Your mind races as you continue to think of all the horrible things that could happen to your younger sibling.

Dave rolls his eyes and collects his trash. “Yeah, we know dude, you’ve only told us like a million times.”

“Dave!” John elbows him and stands up. “Don’t be mean. Anyway, Jake you have to believe us. Karkat’s not that bad once you get to know him, and he really likes her.”

“Honestly everyone knew that he had a thing for her. Even she knew. He asked her out last week.”

“ _I_ didn’t know! Why didn’t she tell me this before?”

“Hmm.. I wonder why. It couldn’t be because you’ve scared away every dude that even looks at her, let alone asks her out, could it?” Dave says sarcastically and starts to walk away, followed by John who just shrugs at your offended expression.

  
Picking up another fish stick and biting it angrily, you start to peek again at Karkat, when another voice makes you jump nearly out of your skin.

“She didn’t tell you because it doesn’t concern you. Jade’s old enough to take care of herself, Jake, and as much as it may pain you, she certainly doesn’t need her older brother constantly hovering over her.”

“Rose!” You clasp a hand to your heart, “Don’t do that! You scared the literal dickens out of me!”

She merely shrugs and sits delicately beside you. “Did you hear what I said?”

 

You nod, furrowing your eyebrows as you remember. “But I’m only trying to protect her.. I don’t want her heart  being broken again. Isn’t that what a good brother is supposed to do? Keep his family safe?” You thought you were doing things right, why now do you feel as though you’ve been controlling Jade instead? You can be a little overprotective, but isn’t that natural?! You might have gone a bit overboard with Eridan, but what else were you supposed to do? He _hurt_ her. _Your_ baby sister. No one has that right!

 

“Jake.” Rose cups your cheek, effectively gaining your attention. ”Look at me.”  She stares intently into your eyes, violet irises calming your frenzied thoughts. “I know. I know you feel like you have to take care of her. She’s your family. I do understand… But if you don’t let her make her own decisions, or try to keep her away from reality, you could potentially stop her from finding happiness.”

 

You groan and lean your head against her shoulder, “She’s so young, Rose. And she’s already been hurt. I want to prevent that from ever happening again.”

 

“You can’t, and I know that’s not the answer you want to hear, but Jake, she's only 16. She’s going to go through a whole lot more than high school drama in the future, and you won’t be there. Take a step back and let her be, especially over something this small. Maybe later she’ll come to you instead of hiding these things.” Sighing softly she rubs your back. “...It’s going to be alright, you know.”

  
“I do. I just need some time. It won’t be easy giving her space.” You laugh awkwardly and sit up and place your hand over hers, squeezing it gently. 

  
She smiles, dark lips stretching over white teeth. “That’s alright, it most likely won’t happen in a day, but I trust in you.”  
  
The bell rings, signaling the end of lunch, startling you.   _Has it only been 45 minutes, truly?_  
  
“I suppose we’d better head to class. I will see you later?” Rose inquires.  
  
“Of course, who else is going to force me to retrieve tea for them?”   
  
She closes her eyes briefly in amusement,  "You poor poor thing, how terrible it must be for you to get the tea that _I_ paid for, and  a coffee for you, that I _also paid for_."  
  
You snort as she wishes you farewell. “Oh! Rose?”   
  
“Yes, Jake?”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
"Anytime." 

* * *

Later, upon seeing Karkat and Jade in the hallway, them nervously putting space in between their bodies, you do something that shocks all 3 of you. Hesitantly you nod at them, allowing a tiny smile to slip out. It was a tad harder than you thought, putting your emotions aside, but it was most definitely worth it. To see Jade practically beam at you, body relaxing, and eyes lighting up with an emotion you haven’t seen in awhile.. Yes. If it causes your little sister to be happy, you’d gladly smile at the Vantas boy all day long...  
Isn’t that what good brothers are supposed to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so one. Because I forgot to mention it. This ->"You might have gone a bit overboard with Eridan, but what else were you supposed to do?" 
> 
> Jake didn't do anything too terrible, he just stood outside his window for 4 hours a night, for a week, yelling insults and threatening to fisticuffs him into the next century. (Of course he only did this when he knew Mr. Ampora would be at work. No one wants to deal with an angry Dualscar. )
> 
> Also.. I just wanted to say that I have a habit of always solving problems within a chapter because I can't stand to see the babies sad.. However, this isn't always the case in real life, sometimes problems can't be solved or taken care of for months or even years.. so... yes! 
> 
> Ah! Just in case it helps or confused anyone. 
> 
> Dirk, Roxy, Jane= senior 18  
> Jake= Junior, 17 (He missed too many days of his Junior year on account of being sick, therefore he has to retake it. He should be a senior)  
> Jade, Karkat, Dave, Rose= 16, Junior  
> John= 15 1/2, Sophomore. 
> 
>  
> 
> Is it just me, or wouldn't Rose and jake being best friends just be the best thing ever?! 
> 
> Ah.. and don't worry I will actually try to fit dirk in next time. XD


	12. In Which Jake English is not Politically Correct

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade snickers while John mumbles that it won’t be his fault if the Irish come in and beat you up for being racist. You fail to see exactly how you are being prejudiced. You’ve only just read the poster, for frig's sakes! It’s not like you created it, or have it out for the people of Ireland!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhh boy. It has been a while. Hello all. I hope your New Year's was fantastic! This is really just a chapter to get me back into the swing of writing, so sorry if it seems a little off or boring. 
> 
> (p.s. to any of y'all that've had bdays recently. Congrats, and Happy birthday!! I hope it was fantastic and that you all did something wonderful! )
> 
> (p.p.s. To all of you that have commented, kudosed, or just came and talked to me on tumblr. Thank you so so so much. I cannot tell you how much you guys make my day. I love knowing that people genuinely like what I do.. Even if I may not update often. So thank you again!!!!

“Guys, have you seen this yet?”  Jade races down the hallway, coming to a screeching halt in front of you and John, interrupting your conversation about Nic Cage v.s. Sam Worthington.  She shoves what appears to be a paper in front of your face, expecting you to read it, but all you see is a bunch of green lettering.    
  
Laughing at her excitement, you pull the flyer out of her hands and adjust it so you can read it.  “Get in touch with your green side, and dance like the Irish do. Minus the clogs. Join us at the St. Patrick’s Day dance tomorrow night at 8. Wait, Jade this doesn’t make any sense.”  
  
“And I’m pretty sure it’s not politically correct,” John chimes in.  
  
“No. Not that, hush up.”  
  
Jade snickers while John mumbles that it won’t be his fault if the Irish come in and beat you up for being racist. You fail to see exactly how you are being prejudiced. You’ve only read the poster, for goodness sakes! It’s not like you created it, or have it out for the people of Ireland. You frown and start to tell him off when Jade brings you back to the previous conversation.  
  
“Jake? What were you going to say”  
  
“Hm? Oh yes! I was going to ask, before _someone so very rudely_ interrupted me _,”_ you shoot a look at your cousin _, "_ Why you’re so interested? You’ve never cared about going to one of these silly functions before.”  
  
“..Well what’s wrong with wanting to dance?,” she crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow at you.  
  
“Nothing of course, but you're not really one to change your mind on things you dislike.  I’d only been wondering.”  
  
Wrinkling her nose like she does when she’s lying, Jade uncrosses her arms and shifts her weight. “ Don't you know? I really really like St. Patrick’s day. It’s my favorite holiday! I would have thought you'd have cared enough to remember my _favorite._ ” She looks at the two of you dejectedly, sniffling slightly.  
  
John pops in with a snort, “Your favorite holiday is Christmas because you like decorating the tree with squiddles and singing your own carols.”  
  
"Well.. Jingle Bells, Hussie smells is catchy.."   
  
You raise an eyebrow, “And your second favorite is Easter because you and John like filling the eggs with things that could potentially be dangerous."  
  
"That was ONE TIME, Jake! I was four! I didn't know you couldn't eat peanut butter. Let it go, already! If you think about it, you looked adorable with blue skin."  
  
“Your Third Favorite holiday is your birthday, because you-  
  
“OK. Ok!” Knowing you’ve caught her, she frowns and looks down. You happen to catch a bright pink blush on her cheeks when she glances back at the two of you.  “Fine. Maybe Karkat.. said it would be fun if we went together.” Even though she mumbles the last part, you still get the gist of what she’s saying and push down the small burst of irrational anger that rises in you. Instead of getting mad, you grin at her. (you think you’re getting the hang of controlling your  overprotectiveness.)  
  
“Ohhoho, so the truth comes out!” You crow, smugly,  wincing when she punches you in the shoulder. When she goes after John for making exaggerated kissing noises in the background, you laugh and back out of her way.  He hops around, successfully evading her attacks until he’s trapped between her and a locker, and she hits him right in the gut. He doubles immediately over, gagging and sucking in air.     
  
Making your way over, you pat his back in sympathy.”Well mate, you did kinda ask for it.”  
  
John weakly whispers, “Worth it.” Before collapsing with a dramatic groan.  
  
“Darn right he did. Oh! Jake, I forgot to ask.”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“Grandma said she won't let me go out with Karkat unless you’re there, until she knows him better.” The bell sounds and the three of you slowly start walking to your respective classes.  
  
“And?”  
  
“Annnnnd. I wanted to know if you’d go to the dance with us? Please please, You’ll have so much fun. I’ll come and visit you occasionally. We can dance together. Please please!!” Catching the hesitance in your face, she gives you her famous “puppy face” in which her spring green eyes become impossibly huge and fill up with crocodile tears. Although you know it’s fake, you can’t help but feel like a horrible person for denying her anything.    
  
“Alright! Alright. I’ll go.” You cut of her squeal of joy with a stern finger, “ _But ._ But. You need to convince Rose, Dave, and Roxy to go as well. I refuse to sit by myself and eat myself to sickness in a corner like a lovesick girl in some hapless movie.”  
  
“Deal! Thank you, Jake, thank you so so much! You won’t regret it! Promise!” Emitting another sound of joy, Jade runs off,  leaving you and John to make your separate ways to class.

* * *

  
  
  
You throw popcorn at Jade from your seat on her bed when she asks you for the 5th time, how she looks.  
  
"You look nice."  
  
"You said that about everything!" Sticking her tongue out at you she steals a handful and dashes back into her closet to change. Again. You snort. You don't understand why she's so worked up about this. You mean, you’re just going in your black jeans and a green v-neck.   
  
“What are you so worried for anyway? I mean, the man has seen you eat for crying out loud!” Dodging the flat shoe thrown at you with impressive aim from this distance, you continue on, shuddering at the thought of Jade scarfing down her food.  “If he could handle you massacring a poor cow burger, I’m sure he can bear to see you if your dress isn’t a certain color, or your eyeliner doesn’t bird out at the corner.”  
  
You don't get a response, so you shrug and flop down on your back, accidentally spilling popcorn on her bed. You lay there for some while, trying to catch thrown pieces in your mouth, when she clears her throat. You sit up, ready to placate her again, when you see Jade wearing a beautiful black and green dress that makes her eyes stand out, and practically makes her look flawless. She's pinned up her hair in some kind of fancy bun and you can honestly say you've never seen her look this nice. You smile at her, continuing your earlier monologue, “Besides, you look beautiful, and if he can’t see that then he’s blind, and you should allow me to beat him.”  
  
She beams at you, dropping next to you on her bed, and leaning her head against your shoulder. “Thanks, Jake. I'm really glad you helped me. But what’s a bird out?”  
  
You make a vague gesture to the corners of your eyes, “You know, when you put on your eyeliner and the dark stuff makes a swoop like a bird.”  
  
“You mean.. When it wings?”  She laughs at you, shoulders shaking, and you sulk, before pushing her off of you. How dare she laugh. It’s not like you wear the blasted stuff! Well..besides that one Halloween, but you absolutely refuse to talk about that.  
  
The doorbell rings and you get up to get it, mumbling about makeup.  
  
Giggling mischievously, Jade follows you and halts you from opening the door. “Wait.. before you open that.”  
  
Noticing the change in her tone you turn to her warily, “Yes?”  
  
“Don’t get mad. Promise me you won’t get mad.”  
  
“Jade.. What did you do?”  
  
“Just promise, okay?!”  
  
“Fine.” You sigh and prepare yourself for the worst.  
  
“Neither Rose, Dave, or Roxy could come..”  
  
Oh.. That wasn’t that bad. You’d expected a lot worse actually. I mean, yes, you were a tad disappointed, but you’re still fine. You smile and start to reassure her that it’s fine when she cuts you off.  
  
“But, I did manage to find you a replacement! I promise you’ll like him way better.”  
  
Ah. And your good mood has dropped. There’s no way you’re going to be set up with one of Jade’s teenybopper friends for the whole night, no matter how cool they may potentially be. It’s embarrassing! You try and hide your mortification, but you’re pretty sure she sees it anyway.  
  
“You know him, actually. Pretty well.” She winks at you which sends a flare of unease through your body. The doorbell rings again. “Alright, go open it.”  
  
You sigh. It’s best to get it over with. One night of your life with some random boy won’t hurt you. Bracing yourself, you pull open the door and immediately shut it again. Back against the door, you clutch your racing heart and whimper softly, not registering Jade poking your cheek and telling you to move and let _him_ in.  
Your mind is swimming, a vision of orange eyes burned into your brain.  They seemed to stare right into your soul for the brief moment the two of you had connected. Whimpering once again, you change your mind.  
  
_Tonight might just_ kill _you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Rose, Roxy, and Dave... It's not nice to pretend to be sick, just so you can send Dirk. You almost gave Jake a heart Attack SMH. :(
> 
> Ah. SO hopefully I'll go on a tiny update spree.


	13. Unconditionally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade laughs, eyes glinting mischievously. “Weeeell. You kinda passed out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I apologize for the super long wait! It's been so very hectic. This was more of a chapter to get back into the swing of thing, hence the shortness. I'm just sorry.  
> Pst. thank you guys so so so much for commenting and kudos-ing and bookmarking. it makes my entire life!

“Jake.. Jake!”   
  
You groan and blink up at the ceiling, finding Jade obscuring most of your vision, her light green eyes smiling at you.  What happened?   
  
“Hi Jake, are you finally awake?” She coos.   
  
“Awake? What’s going on?” You sit up, wincing, and realize you’ve been placed on the couch. “How’d I get here?”   
  
Jade laughs, eyes glinting mischievously. “Weeeell. You kinda passed out.”   
  
You scoff, “I did no such thing. Jake English does _not_ faint like a damsel in distress!”   
  
“I gotta agree with him there, Jade. He’s too heavy to be a DID. He dropped like a 5lb. Bag of oranges.”   
  
You make a noise that’s reminiscent of a squeaky toy that’s been pressed for over 30 seconds, when you realize that _Dirk Strider_ is _sitting_ on _your_ _couch,_ shades tucked into his black v-neck _._ “Wh-aht? This is?”   
  
‘Mornin’ sleepin beauty.” He doesn’t exactly grin, but one side of his mouth twitches a little higher than normal. You can see the subtle amusement sparkling in his eyes.   
  
“What are you doing here?”   
  
“Your lovely sis invited me over. ‘Pparently no one else was willing to handle you for the night.”   
  
“Dirk! Rude.” Despite her reprimand, you sourly note that Jade is laughing.   
  
“You mean to say that you were?”   
  
“Were what?”   
  
“Willing to handle me?” Ah, that.. definitely sounded better in your head.   
  
“Oh, I’d more than handle you, English.”   
  
Was that a _wink_ ? “O-oh? Uh-hm..” You trail off, feeling your cheeks heat up. It’s deathly quiet and awkward as all getout now, and you really don’t know how this happened, or if this is one big cosmic prank and soon Ashton Kutcher will jump out from behind your tv, yelling that you’ve just been “Punk’d.” You decide to file his comment away for further contemplation, and focus on the true matter at hand.   
  
Ignoring the amused glances coming from both of them, you shake your head to clear it. “So what  exactly does this mean? Are you offering to be my pity escort, Dirk? If so I must respectfully decline,” You sniff. Even though it pains your heart to deny anything surrounding your long-time crush, you refuse to have your first date with him weighed down by the fact that he only went because your little sister asked him to.   
  
Dirk’s brows furrow, “Let’s get one thing straight. If this was a pity thing, I wouldn’t be here. I don’t waste my time for anyone.” He turns his head, “Sorry, Jade.”   
  
Your little sister puts her hands up in a placating gesture, “No worries here.”   
  
“So.. You’re _not_ going because no one else agreed?”   
  
You can literally  _feel_ his eye roll as he sighs heavily, “Listen loud and clear, English. I am going with you because I want to. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.”   
  
“Oh.”  A little electric thrill runs through you as this new development makes its way through your head. You admit, you have no idea how Dirk went from being completely unaware of your presence to taking you to a school dance, but you’ve never been happier about random miracles, and stranger things have (probably) happened.   
  
The two of you stare at each other until Jade clears her throat, her eyebrows lifted in amusement, and eyes dancing with humor. “Sorry to interrupt. I know you two are totally fascinated with each other, but we have a dance to get to, so chop-chop!” She scoots the two of you out of the house and into the car, where she parks in the back seat, and leaves you to sit in silence in the passenger’s side of Dirk’s truck. You study his profile for a few moments after he starts the car. You don’t understand him or why he’s giving you so much attention, but you’re more than willing to stay by his side and enjoy it until you figure him out.     
  
The ride to Karkat’s isn’t uncomfortable, and you relax into the soft material of the vehicle, content to close your eyes and enjoy your time in Strider’s presence. However, before you arrive, a hand slips over yours, causing you to jump. Blinking, you catch Dirk’s gaze. He returns your unspoken question sweetly, with the barest twitch of a smile and a reassuring squeeze.  You watch him, softly rubbing a thumb over his, while gauging his reaction. He doesn’t even twitch.   
  
You’ve changed your mind. It doesn’t matter if you never fully understand the eldest Strider. As long as he continues to surprise you with his unexpected affection, you’ll take whatever he gives, unconditionally. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ain't the ending chapter, even though it sounded like it. We still have a couple more to go. :DD
> 
> Will Dirk ever tell Jake that he has a crush on him? Will Jade ever stop being sassy? Will I ever learn how to write?  
> Find out next time, on the Coffee Shop Blues.


	14. Three Times Jake was Oblivious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we all know that Jake isn’t the best at picking up hints.” In response to the little ‘ping’ of the microwave, you pull out the cooked popcorn and shake it into a new bowl, handing it to Roxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS to those of you who celebrate it! If not, Happy Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Boxing Day, Omisoka, and/or anything else you may celebrate! To honor the holiday season, here's a filler chapter!!

“How do you think our darling D’s are faring this evening?”

“D’s?”  
  
“Of course, Dirk, and our favorite dork.”  
  
“Oh.” Roxy hops onto the kitchen counter next to you, stealing a bit of popcorn, and shoving it in her mouth, “Ah bet ‘irk ‘asn’t even ahshked ake ‘o ‘ance.”  
  
Dave pulls himself onto the counter as well, leaning across her to grab the bowl. “Try that again, but this time do it _without_ tryin' t' become one with the popcorn. Ya’ think you can manage that, Rox?”

Rolling her eyes, Roxy shoves Dave off the counter, snatching the popcorn away from him. “I said,” She repeats- mouth clear, “That I bet Dirky hasn’t even asked Jake to go dance yet.”

Dave retaliates by licking his hand and thrusting it into the bowl all three of you are supposed to be sharing. “Why not? Dirk’s so in love that even a blind man could see it. Make that blind woman. Tz said she could literally taste the pheromones those two were puttin’ out.”

You kick him hard, before pulling out another bag for yourself and Roxy and sticking it in the microwave. “It’s ridiculous is what it is. He’s too worried about Jake realizing that he’s not ‘the suavest bro to ever bro’, you quote, “to literally tell him his feelings. And we all know that Jake isn’t the best at picking up hints.” In response to the little ‘ping’ of the microwave, you pull out the cooked popcorn and shake it into a new bowl, handing it to Roxy.

Roxy snorts sarcastically, and hops off the counter, you and Dave following close behind. “Not good at picking up hints? Our Jakey? Nahh.” She leads the way into the living room, and plops on the right end of the couch, taking care not to upset the popcorn.

“Do you remember the time we went to the mall, and that hot assistant lady kept tryin' to feel up his man pecs to make sure she “got the right size” for him,” Dave asks, sitting to Roxy’s left.  
  
“Yeah! ‘Nd poor Jake. He just stood there blushin’ and lookin’ all uncomfy. Omigosh! Remember the carnival thing?”

You groan, and Dave raises an eyebrow looking between the two of you, “The carnival thing?”

“Alright. In July Roxy, Jane, Jake, and I went to Six Flags. After we’d come off one of the rides-”  
  
“Skull Mountain!”  
  
“Yes, Skull Mountain, a boy comes over and tells Jake that he likes his shirt. When Jake thanks him, the other boy- I think his name was Rufioh- continues to follow us around, occasionally stopping us to win little prizes here and there for Jake. Realizing that Jake’s single, Rufioh asks if they can “compare” hands. However, he conveniently ‘forgets’ to let go.

“Compare hands?”  
  
Roxy grabs Dave’s hand, measuring it against her own. “Like this. But it was an excuse. Dude jus’ wanted to grab hold of our English muffin. Oh! Rose, you gotta tell him the best part,” she cackles, “It’s totes perf!”

You can’t quite contain your own grin. You have to admit, Jake can be rather funny unintentionally. “Alright. After a few moments of wandering around, Jake lets go, telling him that it was simply “too warm to continue comparing hands, and that Rufioh's hand only made the heat that much more miserable”.”

“Ouch, that had to hurt.”  
  
“You shoulda seen his face. He looked so crushed, ‘specially after Jake admonished him for giving all of the prizes to him instead of Rufioh's partner, before handing them all back, and rushing off to line up for the Ferris wheel.  Jake shut him down before he could even ask him out." 

“It was a little sad, but rather funny. Oh! How could I forget, what about the time we went to Olive Garden? When our waiter purposely spilled a drink down the front of Jake’s shirt in order to clean him up, then slipped him his number so he could ‘pay for the damages’,” you add, taking the remaining seat on the very left.

“All I remember from that is Davy throwin’ breadsticks at him.”

“Hey! He was a douche. He kept starin’ at John.”

“...”

“Wipe that smile off your face, Lalonde. It’s creepin’ me out.

“Sorry Davy.”

“It’s still there. You too, Rose. Quit it. Look, it’s got nothin’ to do with me likin’ John, ok? It was just that this guy was like 30, and he kept eyein’ him, like he was a steak in a pile of carrots. It was my manly duty to protect my bro.”

“He was 19, David. He mentioned it several times throughout the night.”  
  
“Shut up.”  
  
“Rose, is it jus me or is lil’ Davy blushin’?  
  
“I do think he is.”

“John doesn’t even know.”

“But everyone else does/”

“I’ll bet yu a ten-er right here that Jake’ll tell John before Davy can.”

“Accident or on purpose?”

“Hey.”

“Accident. Jake’s not that mean.”

“Alright. I’ll take it. Give me a ten on ‘Dave blurts it out on accident and tries to play it off.’”  
  
“Dang! Can I change mine?”

“Hey!”  
“Sorry. All bets final.”

“HEY,” Dave exclaims, shoving both you and Roxy with his elbows, “Can’t you two harpies shut up? Our movie’s about to start.”  
Simultaneously, the three of you turn to the tv just in time to catch the title sequence of “The Happiest Millionaire.” You settle back with your three siblings, you silently promising yourself  that after the movie, you’ll send Dirk a text.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all of you have had a good holiday! Y'all are strong and beautiful, and you're almost done with 2016!

**Author's Note:**

> I just realized this has absolutely nothing to do with coffee shops... Eh.


End file.
